i feel so pathetic, looking back at pictures of jac and i together. i honestly really missed the time we had together. making her laugh, smile, angry and even cry just to see how she would respond. i miss her kisses. her endless kisses. before she goes to classes, before im off to college, random kisses when we feel like kissing each other. it feels so surreal now, that none of that will ever happen again. i really miss her. the endless love she gave me.

sure, i did a few things i shouldn't have done. but hey, people make mistakes and they learn from there. don't judge before you know first hand what actually happened. i really feel like a jerk, of how i treated her. the awkward silence i always gave her when i was mad, keeping the anger inside instead of letting it out and so on. heck, i could go on all night stating my stupidness when i was with her.

my mindset is still the same than before. i still love her. even though what happened between us, i'd rather just put it in the past and start anew. but heck, who am i kidding, as if we were ever going to get back together again. she'd rather fly back to melbourne than to meet me. i think i'd do the same. but i would at least try. because i still have such deep feelings for this girl.

sigh, the cutting never stops.
rick.